How to Turn Self-Hate into Self-Truth

Originally posted on Feb 17, 2022 on medium.com/@shamandao

By choosing to honor yourself.

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

I remember a friend of mine back in our high school days. There was something about her that bothered me when I looked at her. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Wewere in our teens, living the life of laughing and raves. It was fun. But man, there was something about her that really irked me. So I did what I usually did. I stayed quiet and kept it to myself.

It was late in my twenties when I realized that my friend, Sally (**not real name), triggered the part of me I disliked, disowned, and dismissed about myself. It was that part I hated about myself.

Staying quiet was a conditioned belief set within me as young as months old. A year-old even. Being told to stay quiet was my way of upbringing by those who assaulted my frail baby body with their kicks and hits.

I swallowed the self-hate because I didn’t know how to move it through. So it stayed within my energetic body layers to compound within my physical form. When Sally showed up, a heaviness washed over my physical form which I then blamed on her.

Because I didn’t know then what I know now.

I didn’t know then that people’s comments and concerns are projections of what they are feeling inside about themselves. I didn’t understand that her presence triggered those rooted limited beliefs within my physical form. Which were the first layer before diving into my emotional body to my subconscious mind.

I didn’t know that blaming, naming, and shaming were violent forms of communication. I was at war internally.

I didn’t know that she triggered my biggest insecurity of being judged and shamed for being myself, because she was so confident in her beliefs. Looking back, I wanted to speak the truth so badly, I hated myself for being silent.

Sally did nothing wrong. In fact, she was living her life in her truth, which can do one of two things. Trigger those around her who want to live their most authentic lives or be admired for being themselves.

I didn’t know back then what I know now. That Sally was a blessing of a mirror that showed me parts of myself in which I needed to see. I needed to feel. I needed to heal.

It took me a while to honor those parts of me which I suppressed, repressed, and held down for some time. To acknowledge them, to embrace them, and to let them go.

I’ve never met anyone who did not hate a part of themselves living this existence. Those happy-go-lucky, never angry souls are some of the world’s masters of suppression and repression. The same goes with loud, in your face, souls who demand attention by shouting. These types of two opposite ends of a spectrum have a common sutra of self-hate.

Hate’s a strong word, isn’t it? So is love.

That’s why acknowledging the hated parts of ourselves is the first step in turning self-hate into self-truth. When we honor our truth, it is when we can fully embrace and love ourselves.

When we can pour into ourselves and love ourselves is when we can stand in our authentic truths. To then become a mirror for someone else.

That’s shadow work. Fully integrating all parts of ourselves, not just the fluffy sides.

The clearer your shine, the more they project. The more names you will be called. The more shaming and blaming will be bestowed upon you. The more judgment.

What people judge you for or name, shame, and blame you is what they judge themselves for. When people laugh at you, not with you, they are masking their own insecurities by showing you their weakest link. They laugh at you because they’re insecure.

From my experience with Sally to the hundreds of hours with international clients, I know this to be true. Understand that when someone doesn’t like you, it’s because they don’t like themselves. So what they see in you and don’t like is what they don’t like about themselves and they’re projecting it onto you.

Hurt people, hurt people. People in pain will pain other people.

What do you do then? Keep shining. Keep standing in your truth. Keep expressing your genuine self. Keep doing and being you. I know it’s difficult to not take insults personally, but it really isn’t you. It’s their unresolved suppressed and repressed emotional states.

Let them deal with it and move on.

If I had a dollar for every time I triggered someone’s deeply rooted shadows within them in these last seven years, I would have already been a multi-millionaire.

“I am thriving off the fact that my existence makes you uneasy. Stay disturbed.” — Jasmine’s Garden

My triggers now feel like a soft brush against the skin. Just enough to tell me it’s there. Just enough to tell me, hey, I’m here. Acknowledge me, feel me, process and let me go.

I sit with it to embrace it. I embody all of it. To let it go. The more you unpack and release, the brighter and clearer your light becomes. The stronger your ability will be to break through the shielded layers of delusion around you. Your job is not only to awaken but also to awaken those around you.

Stay lit.