How Deep is Your Wound?

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One of my favorite songs of all time has always been the Bee Gees, “How Deep is Your Love.”

Ever since I was in high school, I gravitated towards this song and this song only. Today, I found out why.

Seeking love in the darkest parts of my life led me to my greatest wound. And I’m not talking about partnership love nor the surface self-love most motivational gurus are selling you today. I mean that raw and flawless love, which floats underneath the darkness of our shadows. The kind you have to close your nose and mouth before you jump into type of love.

That self-fulfillment kind.

Half of my forty-two years in this body and plane have resulted in deep-diving to the depths of my soul through various and numerous healing paths. Each path has led me to a closer understanding of who I am and why I chose this life to reincarnate in. But still, there was always something more. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

It’s been some time since I’ve written an article. Much of this time has been focused on giving myself grace while being plunged into darkness. At the same time most are plunging into ice baths. I do love a good ice bath.

As much as my deep dives have gone, every single nose dive has been with clear intention and very conscious. Today’s soul unfolding was brought to you by another shaman, who I enlisted to assist in retrieving a petrified hidden soul fragment. Hidden beyond my clasp every single time I came close.

Which begs the question, how many soul retrievals does one need? Answer: It all depends on the quality of the soul retrieval and/or healing modality.

Multi-dimensional beings living a multi-dimensional existence require a multi-dimensional answer.

My clients and students who have found me have something in common. Most, if not all of them were and are survivors of repeated abuse from sexual to mental during their developmental stages. A good chunk are also first-generation war survivors or children of war survivors.

Essentially, they are me and I am them.

Our wounds run deeper than most. This is not to compare trauma wounds as if they were some type of trophy but more so to offer insight into how deep invisible wounds can go.

Most generational catalysts carry the burden of breaking the link of generational trauma and behaviorisms in their ancestral lineage. To break the chain, the link must be weak enough to deteriorate but strong enough to survive the aftermath to rebuild the entire lineage.

Depending on where you are in your journey, the perception of your role may be considered a blessing or a curse. You get to choose, just like how you chose to incarnate on this plane.

Those of us with complex PTSD hope for relief from the pain we carry within our souls. Sometimes that’s through talk therapy and counseling which makes us feel better. Some of us want to feel beyond ‘better,’ so we continue seeking additional healing avenues in the alternative spaces.

Then there are the catalysts better known as the black sheep of the family or the outcasts.

We are aware there’s something more than the dysfunction happening around us. This makes us determined to release the heavy weight from underneath to not only feel relief but to change the dynamic of life itself.

Which means changing the dynamic of our entire being. Similar to a phoenix rising, one must spiritually die to rise again and again. So we can kill off the sins buried in our hearts that were passed down to us for generations.

Sin: an often serious shortcoming

How many times do we need a soul retrieval or a breathwork session? An EMDR session? The answer is as many times as we have to. As many times as we need to. As many times it takes to dive within the depths of our soul to find your petrified sliver of a soul fragment who became a champion of hide and seek.

Because it was easier to create an illusion of a safe space when the abuse started. It was easier to leave our little bodies and souls before the bad men and women came into our rooms. It was easy to play make-believe to escape our realities of pain.

As we got better at playing hide and seek in our childhood, we became mentally and emotionally trapped in our own safe spaces, even as we grew physically into adulthood.

Our childhood illusions became our adulthood delusions. A safe room turned into an escape room. Where finding the key became harder and harder as time progressed.

Even after undergoing a soul retrieval with my elder colleague, I still took the time to sit in ceremony and fully integrate the healing process. Healing is an ongoing journey and cannot be achieved with just one session.

How many sessions would it take to fully break our chains of generational traumas and behaviorisms? As many as it takes. Catalysts were built for this.